I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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