she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
