it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
