Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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