Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
