Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
