Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
