if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
