:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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