For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
