Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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