Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
