i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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