I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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