I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Someone came in the potted fern
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
