I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
