so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
