You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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