I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
