I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
