wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
