Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize