Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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