Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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