ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
