drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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