I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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