i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
