I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
