that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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