i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
