I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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