ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
