Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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