she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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