Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
