saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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