come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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