That reminds me...we need to get swords
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
