"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
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fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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