It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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