Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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