If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We don't watch enough power rangers
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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