It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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