Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
