mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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