He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
