im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
