I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
