in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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