piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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