lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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