i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize