highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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