Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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