I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
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I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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