Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
