ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
