Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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