i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
