You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
