the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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