Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Who died my cat blue again?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
