I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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