i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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